说好的开心呢？
说好的快乐呢？
没有人会真真的体会到我们自己深处的感受。
没有人会看到心里所要的希望。
没有人会看到心里所要的期望。
没有人会看到心里所要的。
永远都不会。
说出来又有谁会懂。
不管多么亲，他们还是不会懂的。
真的真的很辛苦。。
让别人开心，谁又会让我开心呢？
有谁会懂我要的是什么？
只能一个人静静的在夜晚里让这些陪我入眠。
T.T
Friday, August 26, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
the first time
this is the first time and the private place that only me myself know this blog.Created this blog is to expressed whats in my heart and mind that i couldn't say out. something i kept. something i wished to say and never able to say it out because it hurts. It hurts the others as well.
These days i've tried to be what she wants me to be. i swear, i do really love you but what i do just cant get your approval or support.no matter how hard our route will be i'll never give up on you. i know i've made you disappointed lots of times but in every disappointment, i felt 2 times harder than you. i disappointed on my self, my action, my own. i chose here to express out and not telling you because you'll say that i'm not considerate enough to feel whats your feeling and all. den did you ever thought about mine? sigh.. I've really try hard to obey what you want me to promise. not getting close to any girl and all. ain't my life gonna be so imbalance if i do so? i ain't gay. i need friends, i have feelings. what is the point of going college when you see all your friends around happily and you have the urge to join them laugh together , smile together but you couldn't join cause of what you've promised?? And now when i have time i really trying harder to dump away my friends and accompany you. didn't i do the right things?? =( Like i said, i'm not a person that will dump all my friends for my love ones because i've already have my own practice since young. I mixed with my friends, im happy because we share opinions, joke, gossip and many more. But now, i couldn't do that much anymore. I have to ask for permission whether i can go with them or not. if i don't, thats the time of arguments starts. ='(
How much longer can i take it. im not a person that can be tie up like a puppet. i'm just not a puppet. i have my life. yes you're with me but i need my own privacy as well. i trust you and you know my password, but dont you know a little bit of respect?you check on me on every account i have and all. why do you say that you love me but you dont even have trust in me, you dont trust me . you keep on telling me you felt insecure. but have you ever try to trust in me or you dont even dare to put a little trust in me.
you said you'll be very sensitive to all my reaction, but have you ever thought that you're a-bit too greedy and selfish? Before im wih anyone, my life is just full of friends. once im with you, i dumped alot of my friends. till myfriends see me like a person that dont appreciate friendship. ='( When ever people talk to me about you, i'll say yes i love you. there's nothing bad happen between us but in-fact what really happen no body know. i dont go tell my friends that you dont like her or what. because she' close to me. I've already being honest telling you that sh's my sis. cant hang out much with friends and i just need someone close to me in college that able to acc me chat while having assg, it aint over right? She's jsut my sister, siblings do share among each other about what and how they felt, problems and siblings do help each other to solve problems if able to do so.But to you, you jealous of her and you trying to make me not to talk to her like jsut a normal talk without physical contact or what, you got jealous and said that you'll make me regret of what i did. from past i already am a person that filled with friends. now im no longer yes. Now im someone that got tie up like shit and no body knows. people see me as someonehave a great relationship and ntg happen between us. =( but in fact we're not, we have alot of problems.im trying to solve it becasue i wanna be with you long. haih.. what i wish is jsut you be friends with her and try to be good friend with her and accept her as my sis den everythign solve we wont have so much jealousy happen. i aint flirting to girls im only talk to you and her because you're both closest to me my sis and my lover. i dont know what else i can say. what i felt in my heart is i cant feel love, what i felt is jealousy that kills me and stopped me from alot of things. i need a break as in like try to accept my sis and all. T.T
These days i've tried to be what she wants me to be. i swear, i do really love you but what i do just cant get your approval or support.no matter how hard our route will be i'll never give up on you. i know i've made you disappointed lots of times but in every disappointment, i felt 2 times harder than you. i disappointed on my self, my action, my own. i chose here to express out and not telling you because you'll say that i'm not considerate enough to feel whats your feeling and all. den did you ever thought about mine? sigh.. I've really try hard to obey what you want me to promise. not getting close to any girl and all. ain't my life gonna be so imbalance if i do so? i ain't gay. i need friends, i have feelings. what is the point of going college when you see all your friends around happily and you have the urge to join them laugh together , smile together but you couldn't join cause of what you've promised?? And now when i have time i really trying harder to dump away my friends and accompany you. didn't i do the right things?? =( Like i said, i'm not a person that will dump all my friends for my love ones because i've already have my own practice since young. I mixed with my friends, im happy because we share opinions, joke, gossip and many more. But now, i couldn't do that much anymore. I have to ask for permission whether i can go with them or not. if i don't, thats the time of arguments starts. ='(
How much longer can i take it. im not a person that can be tie up like a puppet. i'm just not a puppet. i have my life. yes you're with me but i need my own privacy as well. i trust you and you know my password, but dont you know a little bit of respect?you check on me on every account i have and all. why do you say that you love me but you dont even have trust in me, you dont trust me . you keep on telling me you felt insecure. but have you ever try to trust in me or you dont even dare to put a little trust in me.
you said you'll be very sensitive to all my reaction, but have you ever thought that you're a-bit too greedy and selfish? Before im wih anyone, my life is just full of friends. once im with you, i dumped alot of my friends. till myfriends see me like a person that dont appreciate friendship. ='( When ever people talk to me about you, i'll say yes i love you. there's nothing bad happen between us but in-fact what really happen no body know. i dont go tell my friends that you dont like her or what. because she' close to me. I've already being honest telling you that sh's my sis. cant hang out much with friends and i just need someone close to me in college that able to acc me chat while having assg, it aint over right? She's jsut my sister, siblings do share among each other about what and how they felt, problems and siblings do help each other to solve problems if able to do so.But to you, you jealous of her and you trying to make me not to talk to her like jsut a normal talk without physical contact or what, you got jealous and said that you'll make me regret of what i did. from past i already am a person that filled with friends. now im no longer yes. Now im someone that got tie up like shit and no body knows. people see me as someonehave a great relationship and ntg happen between us. =( but in fact we're not, we have alot of problems.im trying to solve it becasue i wanna be with you long. haih.. what i wish is jsut you be friends with her and try to be good friend with her and accept her as my sis den everythign solve we wont have so much jealousy happen. i aint flirting to girls im only talk to you and her because you're both closest to me my sis and my lover. i dont know what else i can say. what i felt in my heart is i cant feel love, what i felt is jealousy that kills me and stopped me from alot of things. i need a break as in like try to accept my sis and all. T.T
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